When I was a child, I was often stuck in my great great aunt's house on rainy summer afternoons with absolutely nothing to do but read the same two Mad magazines, engage my aunt and my great grandmother in a game of Carrom, or break out "The Game of Peter Coddle's Trip to New York." It was a form of what are now called "mad libs," in which we would read the story of Peter Coddle from the provided booklet, and pull little pieces of cardboard with a variety of adjectives and nouns on them to fill in the blanks. Hilarity ensued.
The game (which had no scoring or winning, only amusement) was published as early as 1888, and by various game publishers. This edition, published by Parker Brothers, may be one of the earliest.
Each time you refresh the page, the results will be different.
When you've had enough comical variations, return to Hoxsie.
There lived in the town of Wayback a young man by the name of Peter Coddle. He was as lazy as A Bob-tailed Donkey and would no more work than A Liver Pad. So worthless was he that he was nicknamed by some A Long-eared Donkey, by others Broiled Eggs.
One day he was standing near Jack the Giant Killer when word was brought him by A Poke Bonnet that an uncle had died and left him A Tin Soldier.
The news coming so suddenly, very nearly gave him A Sea Serpent. He rallied from the surprise however, and began to speculate as to what he would do with A Water Butt. At first he thought he should buy A Dreadful Pain and build Tom Thumb four stories high. Then he thought he would start An Old Gossip and exhibit A Hot Poker and An Emetic and again he would be A Benighted Collier
Peter thought it a great care to be A Tipsy Tar. When he was poor he had little to think of except A Dose of Salts or A Great Nuisance and little to do but work at A Green-Eyed Pedagogue and eat A Base Ball and An Energetic Turtle three times a day. Now he was as nervous as A Dynamiter.
Peter was anxious to see A White Crow so he took a steamer to New York, and put up at Blue Beard. The next morning he bought A Sore Head and An Honest Lawyer, was measured for A Warming Pan and encased his feet in A Fish Dinner. He next invested in A Pandowdy, and spent much time in selecting A Hod of Coal to give A Quilted Petticoat.
When he was dressed in these, he looked like A Swarm of Bees, but Peter thought no one would take him for A Brick-bat.
But he wandered about as curious as A Gridiron staring like A Dandy Dude, and bumping against A Boodle Alderman and stumbling over A Bucket of Swill.
He felt ill at ease and would have preferred going to see A Fainting Lobster than wandering about like A Flannel Nightcap. One day he made the acquaintance of Ice Fried in Batter who volunteered to introduce him to A Blue Monkey and help him spend his money as fast as A Happy Dyspeptic or a locomotive could run over A Bow-legged Rhinoceros.
Peter was delighted and treated his friend to A Short-hand Poem and A Basin of Turtle Soup. They went together to the opera, and Peter bought A Lantern Post to throw at the principal singer whom he said resembled The Middle of Next Week.
They next visited A Lump of Dough and Peter confessed that he liked the play of A Genteel Tramp better than A Hot Sugar Pudding. In this way he got rid of considerable money and A Stewed Fiddle but he was having as nice a time as A Crazy Mule ever had, and he felt he would rather be Peter Coddle than A Lame Porpoise.
Peter's friend secured him an invitation to I Know Not What, for which it was necessary for him to have A Red Wig. Dressed in this he looked exactly like Punch and Judy and imitated the manners of A Yellow Hen. As he was not versed in the usages of good society, he bought A Pair of Lace Lappets which he studied diligently.
He went to the party dressed in A Sensation and having Puss in Boots for a button-hole bouquet. In his efforts to be polite he made as many grimaces as A White Elephant and contorted his body equal to A Pair of Trousers or An Erroneous Idea.
He was introduced to a young lady as beautiful as The Book of Fate who wore A Motor Man over A Pickled Whale.
The two promenaded until the band played A Glass Eye which set the ladies and gentlemen dancing around like A Pugilist.
Peter, being anxious to please, exerted himself with the energy of A Game of 'My Wife and I' and the grace of Stewed Caterpillars. He had no idea that he was acting like A Fierce Bull-Dog and making his partner feel as if she was dancing on A Small-mouthed Crockodile.
After the party, as he was going back to his hotel he was mistaken for A Tough Old Gander by a policeman, who arrested him and dragged him to the station, beating him with A Bustle so that when he got there he looked like A Bar of Soft Soap; he was locked up for the night in a cell as cold as An Insane Bedbug.
The next morning he was taken before the court, fined $5.00 and costs for disturbing A Large Blister.
This experience greatly frightened Peter, and as soon as he was released he ran as fast as A Warm Poultice for the depot and took the first train home, after an absence of four weeks.
If any of my readers should happen to go to Wayback they could doubtless find Peter Coddle as proprietor of the village store. He has grown as fat as A Leg of Veal and is as lazy as A Pinch of Snuff.
It is perhaps needless to say that Peter has never since visited New York.
